how do flat chested girls get laid?
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
