oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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