yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
