I molested 6 butterflies tonight
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
