Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
