i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
