It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Who died my cat blue again?
Randomize
