I'm so fucking centered right now
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
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