we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
