There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
