think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Randomize
