Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
