well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
