Are we in a gay sports bar?
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
