I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
His hands were made for my vagina.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
