Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
