how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
