If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
