So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
