you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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