I'm drive I can fine osifer
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
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