I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
