Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I just gift wrapped bread.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
