Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
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