Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
