Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
Four minutes until I can fart!
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
