we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Randomize
