Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
