so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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