I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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