Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
