my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Someone stole a lamp last night.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
