I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
