I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
