batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
So apparently I’m into choking now
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