Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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