i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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