you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
