Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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