Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
babies were throwing up all over the place
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
