I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
