He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I am spending my child support on dildos
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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