yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
