3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
false alarm, still single
Randomize
