My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
