Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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