She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
