i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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