I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
