so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
